Storytelling and commission: Development of Idea 1

Development of idea 1

After getting some feed back from peers, and having a discussion on how to improve this idea we decided to change the ending of the story so that it made more of an impact. 

Margret Cathworth a fourty year old overweight woman was taking her cat Tipsy for his daily walk. She loved to take the route that pasted a little french bakery to indulge in the smell of freshly baked bread that curled its way down the road. It was always the reason why she’d stop, but would end up taking more than just bread, all fifteen of her cavities could attest for that. The pair were walking past  when the display of colourful macarons caught her eye. But she saw more than what she was hoping for. Reflected in the window was Margret she could see herself clearly , she hadn’t looked in a mirror in five years and was shocked at her size. In her minds eye she still looked like her eighteen year old self. She turned to the side to really examine her physique, quickly realising that her overflowing stomach looked worse. She took a deep breath. Sucking her stomach in, she smiled at this drastic change but then realises that she couldn’t hold her breath in for much longer. She exhaled and the sudden force sent her button off into the air. A loud THUD was heard and right behind Tipsy a dead pigeon fell . She turned to investigate the sound but was distracted by a sea of overweight, middle aged women all stopping to read the sign outside of the new Harvey Plastic Surgery Clinic.

Do you need to loose 50 pounds?

Are your grey hairs revealing your years?

Do you need to turn back time?

Then use the Plasto Mato it takes you back to your golden years

Margret didn’t need to read anymore, she was inside the clinic with her robe on, ready to start this new procedure. The surgeon, Dr Harvey only had one question for her, “Do you have the money ?”. She reached into her purse and took out the fee, the Doctor was quick to receive it. And told her that she could leave her bag and cat in the room while her surgery took place. He then walked her over to an unusual machine and prompted her to stand inside of it. The machine door closed and the sound of clashing, clunking and clanging filled the room. Dr Harvey left the room not realising that he had not locked the door on Tipsy’ cage. She purred and stretched as she strode across the surgery floor. The sound of rustling came from Margret’s bag, and Tipsy pounced on it tipping out the contents and the pigeon that Tipsy hid was now alive. The Bird tried to fly away but was too slow as Tipsy jumped into the air trapping it in-between her paws. But they both fell into the heart of the machine, displacing the ball bearings, it began to hiss and fizz  then it stopped. Dr Harvey walked back in unaware of what just happened. The machine doors  opened and the smoke cleared, inside was a weird creature the same size as Margret a mutated young woman that was part bird and part cat. 

I've rewritten a lot of it but kept the same story line in the beginning but I want the ending to be that the mutated Margret is mounted and stuffed but I don't know how to introduce how that happens.