Saturday, 2 February 2013

Rewritten Script

Script rewrite by Peta-gaye Brown 

In this script i'm trying to establish that the girl has weight issues and that the boy grows up to be surgeon in a subtle way. It's getting a bit long so I need to figure out the parts that are not needed in the script to tell the story.

1 comment:

  1. Really like that new opening, tells us everything we need to know. I think you really do need a montage sequence in there when she asks him to operate on her - starting with small things - injections of botox, moving onto face-lifts and then finally the machine. At the moment, the machine arrives too soon; and it's too much of an escalation; we don't understand that this is the tip of an iceberg. Just think about setting up Act 2 as the story of how one small procedure leads to the machine over the duration of years, with the surgeon's qualms and the wife's ongoing anxiety about her appearance. If you don't have that in place, the importance of the machine isn't going to communicate. :) You're nearly there, keep going!